I dreamt.

+JJAE YOUNG+

I coud'nt lie convincingly to myself, my reflection in the mirror. A puzzling thought came to my mind, will this dream turn into a reality, leaving me all alone and cry in sorrow? A blank, self-loathing, miserable and sombre-looking face, something had literally assailed me, why was'nt I doing my usual ablutions, is everything began to run havoc? This day, this hour, this moment, this second? As memories starting to coalesce, it tears my heart into bits mercilessly, to tell briefly, the pain is tremendous. I've tried various way to confront the pain, but nothing seems to ease the tension. I felt like giving up everything, returning to my "old-dear-life" which is so not me. I am not a nonchalant person, I'm probably just being schizoid. Your situation had been agonizing the emphasis on my words, you're really a fraud, a frivolous person, the arbitriter of my emotions. When your existence had became a neccesity in my life, maturity took over, seperating both of us to continue our lives, but unfortunately on two different paths. I was afraid, afraid that you'll become too important, afraid that it happened to be me, willing to give everything in my life, just to hold back the tears or bringing back 'valuable' memories which does'nt even belonged to me, to hide my true self being a coward. And there you left, this is incredulously unacceptable. FLASHBACK..........beautiful golden rays of the setting sunlight shone on us -twilight, signalled the most peaceful moment of the day, but you are the one, the one with the intent to break the peace. In that splilt of second, the word 'bye' had made me numb, unable to resucitate. Tears were dripping all over my face, once upon a time you were an exertion to me -a fairy tale, but now, everything is zero......... Am I really a all-too-willing-to-suffer person, or is there any method of avoidance for the future? Everything still remained an unknown.......